You’d think it is simple. I write descriptions, and I edit/proofread content. When one of my clients published her (proofread by me) book on Amazon, she used a friend to create her description. What was missing? Wisdom.
Sure, friends are valuable. Friends are caring and loving. We all need them.
However, friends do not make good copywriters NOR proofreaders.
Here’s the before and my after.
Before Description:
Gloria was abandoned at 5-years-old and placed for adoption into a home where she struggled through physical, emotional and sexual abuse through the 1960’s Scoop. She eventually had two sons, one had a stroke at 7-yrs-old, with one man and then married her current husband who has been supportive throughout her journey. She then decided to charge her adopted brothers for the sexual abuse.
Recommended Rewritten After Description:
Gloria, an abandoned five-year-old thought her life wasn’t worth anything. Even at that young age, her physical, emotional and sexual abuses at the hands of the 1960s Scoop left her wondering about self-worth.
It would be years later, but she persevered, rebuilt the faith and had the epiphany to face her tormentors finally—her adopted brothers—and charged them with rape. That action freed her to build a business of her own, to raise her sons, to marry a kind man, and best of all, to be willing to share her story.
Is it real? Could life be that cruel where no one cared at the time? Could she take her power back? Yes! Can it happen to you? YES, IT CAN.
You have to meet this gal through her own words.
If a poor abused little girl can lift herself to a quality life, what are YOU waiting for?!
She knows you may be afraid of admitting how your life sucks; Gloria will speak for you in this powerful little volume of kindness and hope. Behind her bright green eyes, she will reflect your journey, if you dare.
It’s a short read, but she guarantees you will be affected in the long term.
I rest my case!
Frankly, the “after” version needs a lot of work. The flow is poor, the phrasing is often awkward, there are factual errors (e.g., a victim can’t “charge” someone with rape, they can only accuse; charges are made by the prosecuting attorney).
A good book description should grab hold of the reader’s interest, introduce them to what the book is about, and make them want to buy and read it. This simply doesn’t accomplish that goal.
By the way, I was totally confused by the phrase “1960’s Scoop”. I have no idea what that means. Maybe I’m missing something.
I’m sorry to be so blunt. I just think you could do much better.
Good points. Thanks for sharing. The Scoop is well known here and the author lived it. If you research it, you may find out why she feels the way she does. Thanks.